Late one night, I was checking my email on my ipad and a unicorn jumpped out in front of my car. I swirved to not hit it, I mean, come on; it's a UNICORN....they have to be endangered, so I couldn't hit it. My car pulmmited to the bottom of a huge ravine and a rockslide covered my car. I had to chew through one of my legs in order to free myself from the rocks that pinned me to the bottom of the hole. It took me weeks to climb out of the hole, you know, one-legged and all. When i finally got to the top of the ravine, i remembered that I had left my ipad in the car. It took me another 2 weeks to get back down to the car and by then several Morlocks had taken it from my car and had begun praying to it as their God. So I couldn't deprive them of their new diety. Brused, one-legged and ipad-less, I crawled back out of the hole and hitchhiked home. A nice group of illigal aliens picks me up and took me on a trip to Mexico.....but that's another story.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really need a new iPad.