TiPb Birthday Bash: Quickoffice Mobile Suite Give Away

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Rene Ritchie

Old Man Ritchie
Jan 12, 2007
Confession: I bought my first PDA so I could work on some book projects while mobile. Several Palm PDAs, Treos, and Windows Mobiles later, and I was still looking for that holy grail: seamless back-and-forth compatibility between my desktop tools and my handset. Of course, the iPhone didn't have any document editing features when it was launched, but flashforward to today, and Quickoffice is the first to fill that huge functionality gap. Quickoffice Mobile Suite ($19.99 - [URL="http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewSoftware?id=310723177&mt=8&at=10l3Vy]iTunes link[/URL]) sets the bar:

Quickoffice's integrated application is the essential high-performance mobile office productivity tool for anyone on the go. Experience enterprise-grade Microsoft? Word and Excel? Office functionality with leading-edge innovation and unparalleled ease-of-use. Edit important files with confidence; Quickoffice maintains 100% data integrity and guarantees Microsoft compatibility.

Is this my holy grail? Let's find out: courtesy of Quickoffice, we're giving away two (2) copies of the full Mobile Suite to two lucky forum members and all you have to do to win is help me finish my latest story:

It was a dark and stormy night, and the full moon lent an anxious glow to San Francisco's Moscone Center, still but for long, wind-snapped banners that read: Welcome to Apple's World Wide Developers Conference (WWDC) 2009.

Rene sat, finger poised above the mouse button, ready to click into being the last rumor round up, the TiPb Prediction post. He smiled, his finger coiled, tensed, and--

"Hold the presses!" Dieter roared as he burst through the doors of TiPb HQ, iPhone clenched and shaking in his hands.

"Presses?" Rene said. "Really? We have this series of tubes now called the inter--"

"Quite youse!" Dieter shoved his iPhone at Rene. "Read."

Rene bent forward, took it. "What am I reading?"

"Just the scoop of the century." A smile raced up Dieter's face. "Secret source. Top secret. Roof of the world secret. Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to..."

What?! Don't leave us hanging like that! What is Apple going to announce?

Turns out YOU have to finish the story, the conversation. That's right. Don't just tell us, show us: we want action, dialog, drama, suspense, comedy. What's Dieter going to say, and how is Rene going to take it? How's the internet going to take it?!

Get your creative juices flowing and the two story-tellers will get each get a copy of Quickoffice Mobile Suite absolutely free.

- One entry per person
- Must have access to US App Store account to redeem promo codes
- Inappropriate or off-topic material will be removed at the sole discretion of the moderators.

Now hurry up and get writing! I want to know how it ends!


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Oct 20, 2008
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going to announce... the engagement of Steve Job's son and Bill Gate's daughter! In honor of the occasion, Steve and Bill have collaborated to produce a new iPhone running Windows Vista, as well as cross-platform availability of the app store enabling Windows desktop and mobile users to download apps too.

(P.S. I would guess that there is a less than 50% chance of this actually coming true. Would you even want it too?)


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"give us exactly what we all wanted!...a flash plugin for Safari Mobile!"

Rene looked confused, wondering if Dieter had just made that story up.

"Why are you looking at me like that Rene?" said Dieter. "Do you think I would make something like this up?"

"I would think so." said Rene. "After all these years of begging for flash, they are FINALLY going to give in? Seems pretty strange..."

"I can assure you Rene. My source seemed really confident about this story."

"Really? Who was your source?"

"Well...Kevin Rose, of course!"

Rene looked strangely at Dieter. He couldn't believe that it could be true. They were both filled with enjoyment and were anxiously awaiting the WWDC.


Sep 21, 2008
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"give us exactly what we all wanted!...a flash plugin for Safari Mobile!"

Rene looked confused, wondering if Dieter had just made that story up.

"Why are you looking at me like that Rene?" said Dieter. "Do you think I would make something like this up?"

"I would think so." said Rene. "After all these years of begging for flash, they are FINALLY going to give in? Seems pretty strange..."

"I can assure you Rene. My source seemed really confident about this story."

"Really? Who was your source?"

"Well...Kevin Rose, of course!"

Rene looked strangely at Dieter. He couldn't believe that it could be true. They were both filled with enjoyment and were anxiously awaiting the WWDC.

Great Job.:D


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May 30, 2008
"Just the scoop of the century." A smile raced up Dieter's face. "Secret source. Top secret. Roof of the world secret. Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to... launch a worldwide attack on the entire computing infrastructure of the US Government!"

"What? That's insane. What are you doing trolling around those Macrumors forums anyway? You know how that always causes you to lose touch with reality."

"No!! I'm serious!" Screamed Dieter, his face beginning to sweat with the anticipation of what would finally become his Pulitzer Prize-winning expos? that would get him out of the seedy, disgusting underworld of tech reporting.

"Look at this source!" he demanded.

"Oh. My. God" was all that Rene could get out. As he looked at Dieter's iPhone, the markings were unmistakable. As he read through the short but powerful email, he read that it was all true. But what convinced him of the validity was not some run-of-the-mill inside source. Kevin Rose was an out-of-touch luddite in comparison. The email was stamped with the distinctive, cryptic signature line of none other than Jonathan Ive. [Imagine something akin to the Illuminati symbol, ala Dan Brown's 'Angels and Demons'.]

"This can't be true," responded Rene, now visibly shaken. Even up in Canada, Rene had heard rumblings about the Apple Revolution, but he, like most sane people, dismissed it as merely urban legend. For years the forward-thinking tech company had grown by leaps and bounds, but there was one man who had not been able to forget. One single board member whose dreams had been dashed and he was forced to leave a life of public service that he loved and return to a life as a private citizen that he secretly loathed. Although he had always presented a stoic, peaceful front in public, he had never forgiven the US Government, whom he felt had stolen his rightful place in history. So he joined the Board of the up-and-coming computer company. Al Gore had suffered in silence for years, but he knew then that his revenge would soon be complete. He only needed to get the rest of the Board behind him. First, he orchestrated a stock backdating scandal that confounded Apple and distracted a few news cycles from their product lines. The Board became irritated. Then he tipped off the feds about how close Apple and Google were becoming. The Federal Trade Commission began investigating antitrust violations against Apple. The Board decided to take action, and Al Gore was the puppet master at the helm. Now he would use Apple's immense surplus of funds, mass computing, and mobile device power to unleash a cataclysmic breakdown so great, that the country would have no choice but to crawl back to Gore, begging him to lead them all out of the post-apocalyptic world that he himself will have created. They would see him as the true visionary that he knew himself to be. 'An Inconvenient Truth' only established his place in the minds of Americans as the only visionary with the wisdom to do it. He only needed the opportunity. With the creation of the iPhone, Gore began the process of distributing devices of mass chaos that would shut down computing with the flip of a switch. His diabolical plan was finally coming to fruition.

It seemed that the only person high enough in the company with knowledge of this could not be as tight-lipped as the rest. Ive was an idealist, one of those creative types who still thought that companies should strive to do good in the world, that government was not a mass of evil and corruption built on world domination, and that computers should be pretty.

Rene looked up at a gleeful Dieter, "You're excited about this?"

"Of course! Don't you see that this information is my ticket out?"

"Out of what?"

"Out of tech reporting, the Mac Mini of the journalism world."

"So what are you going to do?" asked Rene, worried that he knew the answer.

"I'm gonna blow this mutha WIDE open!" exclaimed Dieter, in the Florida street slang he had acquired while selling contraband jailbreak apps to the iPhone junkies on the street and used when he became very excited. "But first, I need you to write a teaser, maybe something cryptic but exciting on the TiPB Twitter feed. I want to get their attention, but I need some time."

"Oh no, Dieter, don't tell me..."

"I have to, Rene. It's the only way." And with that, Dieter left, as intensely as he had come in, but with new vigor.

With that, he began another caper. It would be dangerous. He would fight terrorists. He would uncover espionage and secret societies that the world would not be ready to comprehend. He would team up with undercover FBI agent Erica Sadun, and together they would uncover the details of Gore's evil plan, risking life and iPhone to do so.

Chapter 2
The iTablet Netbook of Mass Destruction
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Apr 30, 2009
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reveal a new iPhone with video recording, more memory, digital compass and higher resolution screen. They will also announce future plans to bring flash plug in to iPhone but it won't happen until months later. iPhone 3.0 update will release within days of WWDC.

Dieter being so excited, started to dance and scream like a girl does during intercourse. During this exciting moment, he drops his iPhone. He then starts screaming. Rene is laughing so hard that his heart started to burn. He quickly ran to grab some Tums (antacid) and shoved them down his throat.

Dieter looks at his now cracked iPhone screen and says "Well, at least now I have an excuse to buy the new iPhone."

Rene looks as high as a kite and says "Dude, you gotta try these. My iPhone now has flash, background processes, 4G, 5 inch screen with 1080P resolution, 12 megapixel camera, and a blade that sticks out of the iPhone for self defense. This is the best day of my life!!!"

Rene however is not holding an iPhone. He is holding the container of Tums and is trying to stab Dieter to show him that the blade really works.

Out of nowhere, a radioactive bear jumps through the window of the room they are in and starts eating Rene. He ends up eating both of them. Rene only realizes the bear was not radioactive by the time it bit his skull open.



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May 8, 2009
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introduce an iTablet"

Rene was unimpressed, "That's been rumored for months, what's the big deal."

"The Big Deal, the BIG DEAL is not "what" but "who" will introduce the iTablet." Dieter explained.

"Oh, let me guess, Jobs is coming back and it will be his "one more thing."" Rene guessed, trying to dismiss Dieter's enthusiasm.

"Um Negative Ghostrider that patterns full," retorted Dieter, "you're free to keep guessing or you can just read on..."

Rene decided to focus on the iPhone and see if there was any there there.

"Wha...no...really...seriously...ehhh I'm not...well maybe...it would be a surp...can't be..." Rene couldn't complete a thought as he read the rumor, so finally he stopped. He put the iPhone down, removed his glasses, took a deep breath and tried to wrap his head around it all.

Finally Dieter, channeling Judge Smails, pushed "Well, we're waiting."

Rene, hesitantly and realizing that as he spoke he did believe the rumor, said "so Jeff Bezos is going to introduce the iTablet, which will integrate the Kindle technology and store and run on the same WhisperNet network."

Rene's reason countered, "but wait, they just introduced the Kindle DX, why would Apple and Amazon work together. What is there motivation?"

Dieter, realizing he has an audience explains, "Well the DX was a diversion. Sure, there is a market, but it is small. They even fooled Newspapers into thinking they were going to save them, but Newspapers are beyond hope. Magazines, however, have a future and that future is the iTablet."

Rene, "wait, I'm still not buying it. WhisperNet does not require a monthly subscription. How much is this iTablet going to cost? No way a cellular provider is going to subsidize the cost."

Dieter, "You're right there. It would be expensive, but the "one more thing" is the magazine publishers. They are going to subsidize the cost. You'll get it at a discounted rate if you subscribe to 3 magazines for 2 years."

Rene, "so why would Amazon work with Apple?"

Dieter, "Color and Cache. Magazines demand color. Their ads need to explode off the page and a high resolution iTablet leaves the Kindle in the dust. Plus, Apple is "it" and magazines live off of trends and style. You can't put Vogue on a Kindle and expect the glitterati to read it. Put it on an Apple product and every model will be sashaying down the with the iTablet under their skinny arms."

Rene paused..."guess I need to find three magazines I want to subscribe to"


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It was a dark and stormy night, and the full moon lent an anxious glow to San Francisco's Moscone Center, still but for long, wind-snapped banners that read: Welcome to Apple's World Wide Developers Conference (WWDC) 2009.

Rene sat, finger poised above the mouse button, ready to click into being the last rumor round up, the TiPb Prediction post. He smiled, his finger coiled, tensed, and--

"Hold the presses!" Dieter roared as he burst through the doors of TiPb HQ, iPhone clenched and shaking in his hands.

"Presses?" Rene said. "Really? We have this series of tubes now called the inter--"

"Quite youse!" Dieter shoved his iPhone at Rene. "Read."

Rene bent forward, took it. "What am I reading?"

"Just the scoop of the century." A smile raced up Dieter's face. "Secret source. Top secret. Roof of the world secret. Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to pull out of the WWDC after doing the same thing to the MacWorld Expo"


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Jun 23, 2008
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Dieter crying? Rene twittering it? One crazy dramatic night before WWDC

Apple is going to unveil their greatest gadget yet!

Rene looked in anticipation, "Well... what is it tell me?!"

"Hold your horses! I got more good news! They are bringing down the prices of iTune's most popular songs! No more $1.29 prices!"

"That's great!" said Rene.

"Yeah! But that's only the beginning!" Dieter opened the notes app, scrolled down the note as quickly as he could. Flicking down the page.

"I can't wait till' you hear this Rene!" Dieter smirked in excitement. "YAY! I found it" said Dieter. And at that moment, Dieter's finger slipped and accidently clicked the trash icon. Because he hadn't slept in days prior to the event, he couldn't process what had happened and he had pressed the DELETE NOTE button. He then realized what he had done.

"NOOO!! I deleted it!" screamed Dieter. "I had it, it was right here!"

Rene threw his arms up in the air angrily. "Great job genius!" "You probably made it up! I was about to go to sleep! We have a big day tomorrow! And you're keeping me up with your iPhone follies"

Dieter then put his head down in defeat "I wasn't making this up." Dieter looked up into the night sky, his eyes started glistening in the moonlight as his eyes started to water.

"Are you?....crying dude?" a smirk ran across Rene's face. "Cause if you are I got to Twitter this!"

"No...I'm just... shut up!" Dieter said sniffling.

Rene looked at him smiling "It's ok man, I won't tell. I understand. So anyways you excited about tomorrow?"

"Yeah" said Dieter.

Rene rubbed his eyes sleepily "Yea me too. Anyways I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." said Dieter.

Rene then gathered up his blanket and his iPhone and went to bed.

Dieter, still disheveled by what had happened, layed in his bed with his iPhone in hand. The glow of the phone had finally dimmed. Looking off into the darkness he whispered, "It was right here in the notes app. And I had to accidentally erase it. I can't believe it."

"Well I should get ready for tomorrow. Big day." thought Dieter.

The time was 2:30 a.m. Dieter muttered, "I have to set my alarm" He yawned and swiped his finger to unlock the phone. He froze halfway realizing that he had taken a screenshot of the note earlier and conviently set it as a wallpaper so he would not forget it.

"RENE!!!!!!!" He shrieked and sprang out of bed eager to share his news.

"What is it Dieter?" Rene mumbled groggily.

"Hear this!" Dieter said eagerly as he shoved his phone in Rene's face.

"Now with brushed aluminum housing! The new iPhone HD is elegance and durability all in one. The new iPhone HD is as thin as the 2nd generation iPod Touch. Comes with a 5 megapixel camera with an auto focus mechanism. Now comes with HD speakers!"

"Wow." said Rene in awe.

"I know! There's more! iPod touch owners can upgrade to the new 3.0 software update with no fee! Data is still $30 but it now comes with unlimited text! Features like iChat, multiple app processing capabilities, twice the battery life as the 3G, and more is in the new iPhone. Also the starting space is 16GB along with 32GB! Looks like Apple is pulling out all the stops on this one Rene!"

"Yeah seems like it! I can't believe you found the note. You sly dog!" exclaimed Rene.

"Thanks man, it was all part of my plan. I was trying to freak you out. See? And I got you good!" said Dieter with a huge grin.

"Yup you did." said Rene sarcastically.

"I can't wait for tomorrow" said Rene.

"Same here. Goodnight." said Dieter sleepily as he pulled the blanket over him.

"Goodnight," whispered Rene. He then layed in bed and placed his iPhone beside him.
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Dec 2, 2008
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"Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to...", Dieter, paused to catch a breath, after running up 4 flights of stairs...

"Drop the iPhone product line entirely and get out of the hand held device market."

Hot Latte spews from Rene's nose, drenching his iphone, and keyboard.

"I'm calling Bull****" he shouts, exactly half way between despair and disbelief.

Then realizing he was talking on his coffee soaked iPhone at the time Dieter came storming in. "Oh, sorry Mom, no, not you... No, Mom really, it was something else..., no I DO enjoy chatting mom..., no, don't hang up..., ok, I'll call you back... bye. Rene punched the sleep button, "shlick", the phone went black.

"Dieter, if this is another of your cockamamie jokes you are cleaning this keyboard" Rene threatens. He notices Dieter's face is white as a sheet, and he has a crazy wild wide eyed stare.

Rene clicks furiously at the E-Trade icon on his desktop, hoping to get a stop-loss order in on his APPL holdings before the word gets out, just in case Dieter was right.

Dieter, finally catching his breath, sits on desk, and begins slowly. "That's right, they are dropping the iPhone all together. Apple has made an offer to Zado Graphics shareholders to buy all shares at 30% above market price."

Rene pounds furiously at the E-Trade icon. It won't launch, Latte is still oozing out of the keyboard. "Who the hell is Zado..." he trails off.

Dieter continues. "Apple decided hand-helds are _so_ 2007. They bought this small Swiss company that holds some patents on trans-cranial retinal stimulation, and Jobs has been sitting on those other patents for the ring thing and they are going behind the ear with them and this", he held up is well used iphone, "is going the way of the dinosaur.

Rene, shoves the keyboard aside, and sat staring drop jawed at Dieter. "Dude, what HAVE you been smoking?" he asked. "Slow down, and start at the beginning."

"Ok" Dieter took a deep breath, "This is the story my deep contact in the CFO's office told me, and let me tell you he was shaking when he said it".

"Zado Graphics makes a new trans-cranial, - that's thru the scull - transmitter that you wear like one of those little stop smoking patches your mom wears. But you wear it on they side of your face, just behind one eye. It stimulates your retinal nerve and you see high quality images. It was developed for fighter pilots. Apple is going to talk to it with Bluetooth 3. They don't need the screen anymore, they just talk to the patch, and you see the screen in your head. Wear two patches, you see in 3D".

Rene, a little bit of coffee drooling from the corner of his mouth, blinks. "Are you saying the iPhone won't have any screen?" he asks, his voice rising almost to a squeak.

Dieter nods. "Yeah, no screen". But you see in 1080i HD, and you can see the surroundings right thru the image, or if you close your eye, you only see the image. They are calling it 'iSee'. "

"How do you type on a phone with no screen?" Rene protests.

"You talk to it, just like the monkey in the Google app" Deiter says. A small smirk appears on his lip at the mere mention of the Google Monkey in voice search app.

"When you need to type, or select links in web pages you just reach out and touch the screen".

"Hold on" Rene says, "What screen? Its all in your head you said."

Deiter sighs. "Yeah, but remember the micro-gyroscope patents that Apple holds? Those are going into the ring."

"Ring?" Rene asks?

"Right! The iRing. You wear it on your index finger, and you simply type in the air. Its Bluetooth too." Deiter said.

"Why would they put Bluetooth Two in there? I thought you said it had Bluetooth Three" Rene nitpicked.

"Bluetooth ALSO, you bone head" Deiter scowled. "The iRing talks to the phone with Bluetooth 3".

"I see." said Rene.

"That's right, the iSee talks on Bluetooth three too" Deiter says.

"Bluetooth 32..." Rene barely had the words out of his mouth when he realized his folly, but he was still quick enough to duck the iMac Magazine that Deiter threw at him.

Dieter began again. "You wear the iphone behind your ear. The Camera is built into the the lower portion which hangs below your earlobe. iVid they call it. Oh, and get this, those Zado Graphics guys also have a trans-cranial auditory stimulator. It induces sound sensations right into your auditory nerve. Apple is going to call that..."

"Let me guess", blurted Rene. "iHear?"

"Exactly!" Deiter said.
"You got the iPhone, behind the ear."
"You got the iVid on the earlobe"
"You got the iSee beside the eye."
"You got the iHear talking to you."

Rene, feeling the love, fairly squealed: "And the iRing to rule them all".

Magazines flew in both directions.


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..announce that all of Apple's IPods and IPhones have been part of top-secret government project run by Homeland Security! that forced Apple to install listening devices in every IPod and IPhone they produced. Homeland Security told Apple that this drastic measure was essential for capturing homegrown terrorists and for gaining valuable information in the interest of national security.
Now Apple is going to sue the United States government and top members of the Bush administration for 50 billion dollars for what they call complete and total abuse of power by a governing body, irreconcilable damage to Apple as a company and as a brand, illegal use of wiretaps, as well as numerous other charges!! We need to type up a press lease immediately!"

Rene stood frozen, looking at Dieter in disbelief. Her gaze traveled slowly from the IPhone in his hand, to her own IPhone which was sitting on the top of the desk in front of her. Suddenly she rushed forward, and with a high-pitched shriek, grabbed her IPhone off the desk, hurled it across the room out, and the open window.
Dieter's mouth dropped wide open, and for a moment the only thing he could do was stare at Rene in shocked silence. Dieter slowly shook his head, and then spoke in a soft voice.
"Rene, that was a joke. The real news is Apple is going to announce that they are teaming with Verizon to make Verizon IPhones."
Tears began to well up in Rene's eyes.
"How could you be so mean?" Rene said.
"Well the good news is you can always enter TiPb' unlocked IPhone
contest," Dieter said.
"No I can't," Rene said, "I work here!"
"Oh yeah," Dieter said, "Well I guess you're just screwed."


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May 6, 2009
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"... finally announce its plans for world domination?" Dieter cooed, his obvious excitement exuding from every fiber of his being.

"You can't be serious," choked Rene as he began to read.

Dieter grins like a man possessed, and claps a hand on Rene's shoulder. "Serious as a heart attack, my friend! A little insider info, though... They've already infiltrated all the world's societies with the iPhone and iPod and intend to activate an auto-update that turn all of Apple's users into a single hivemind which they have dubbed 'The Apple Core'."

"Even the non-wireless Apple devices?" Rene stares at Dieter with a look of mixed disbelief and horror.

"Ah ha, silly boy, they're ALL wireless. At least, the part that will allow them..." Dieter pauses for effect, and raises his hands into the air slowly. "... to invade our minds!!!" He cackles joyously as his glasses fog over, hiding his manic eyes from Rene's view.

Rene blinks slowly, and puts down Dieter's iPhone. He slides his chair toward the door, hoping Dieter won't stop him forcefully. "... I think it may already be too late ..."

The Reptile

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Jul 21, 2008
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Rene responded in his usual quick witted way "Big D, someone already invented the device that would change the world forever. With the Segway in production what could be bigger than that?"

"Very funny, Rene" replied Dieter. "This is far bigger. So big I can hardly describe what is about to happen. The air will be clean. The water will be clean. Even the dirt will be clean. Bowling scores will go way way up. Mini golf scores will go way way down. We'll have more excellent watersides than any other planet we communicate with. But none of this will happen without Apple's announcement today - and we've got it first."

"Now look at whose joking."

"No joke, a bit of puffery but no joke."

"So, Dieter, you still got some 'splain' to do."

"I know. Where do I start?" said a confused Dieter. "The new device is small. Smaller much than a phone. If I had to compare it's only slightly bigger than an iPod Shuffle."

"That small?" Rene interjected.

"Yes, about that small. I have to tell you the purchase of PA Semi and the hiring of those other hardware guys payed off huge. This is much bigger than the original iPhone release. At least back then we knew to expect a phone. We got a phone but it was a different vision on a phone. This time it wipes away the phone concept and the touch interface but keeps the touch interface I guess."

"What does that mean?" Rene inquired.

"Picture this for a minute. You have this small device that you hold in the palm of your hand." Said Dieter.

Rene nodded in agreement.

"Now picture it broadcasting a hologram UI like in Minority Report."

Rene still nodding understanding this part.

"Only it uses some sort of biological, synaptic sort of technology. It creates a hologram but only you can see the UI and only you can hear the audio."

"WHAT!" exclaimed Rene. "How is that even possible? How can it work? And how do they show that off to all of the people attending today?"

"I heard that it sends a very low powered signal to your skin much the same way that your body sends a small electrical through the skin that only a lie detector can pick up. Well, they leverage that and send the signal through your body. Your eyes and ears pick up the signal. They say you can feel the touch as you touch the icons, pictures and data in the UI. You actually hear and see the iPod music and video. And you can even feel a sensation when someone breaks within a few feet of you to alert you to wake up and interact with the real world." Dieter added.

Rene just looked at Dieter. Jaw dropped but no sound coming from his mouth. While no medical attention was needed to revive him there were obvious signs of shock - the same sort of shock that accident victims experience but different. In those cases the shock was associated with pain a deep seeded pain. But that is not what Rene felt. His sensation was more joy. The same sort of joy that one experiences during the highlights of their life like on their wedding day or birth of their first child or upon the height of some achievement. Rene felt the latter like he was about to witness something historic like the first flight of the Wright brothers or man stepping on the moon. He wanted to make a screeching sound like a little girl but could not find the energy because the shock paralyzed him.

Dieter looked at Rene, still shocked himself. "Rene! Rene!!! Wake up! Snap out of it. We've got the scoop of the century and you need to get you @$$ in gear and tell the world about it. I have work to do to. News like this is going to crash our servers. I've got to talk to IT and make sure that they're ready for this title wave of hits we're going to get."

Rene snapped out of it if only partially. "Yeah, yeah, I've got to report on this and let our readers know what's going on. Hit the titter account and post a story." He said. "Dieter, does this thing have a name yet?"

"No, they're not going to let us know until after the show." Said Dieter.

"OK, I'll get started and report the news" said Rene.

"Oh, I forgot there just one more thing" said Dieter. "We've got an exclusive with Steve Jobs after the presentation's Q&A. Better prepare some questions. We've got a whole world that's going to want to know how this came about and we have to look like we've done this before. See you later I've got calls to make!"

Rene returned to his happy place just before his body fell on the carpet of the Moscone Center. It took them 10 minutes to wake him up. Security was unable to get him to go to the hospital. A waver was signed promising not to sue the owner of the facility yada, yada yada. Didn't matter because he suddenly found the energy to do his duty to report on the first of what would be several historic products from Apple and a close working relationship between Apple and TiPB.


May 2, 2009
Jobs & Gates are Husband & Wife

...announce that Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have been married since 1997! Can you believe it! Steve Jobs said that as a joke in 2007 on All Things Digital!...and its true! OMG! it's true! He is actually married to Bill Gates! Married! Oh man! I wonder what this means for the future of computers! Oh man! Oh man!...and look! Forget about the headline...there is a video!...look!

What?(incredulous)...Where did you get this video?

Not from the horses mouth if that is what your asking.

horses mouth?...you mean Kevin Rose.

Right!...I got it from this guy that goes by Wolfmore that works for TBA he says. Apparently it's an Event Production company or something. They are going to play this video at WWDC tomorrow. This doesn't look fake to me! I mean look at it! this video looks totally legit!

Yeah it looks totally real. but....why is Bill Gates wearing a white veil and a white tuxedo?

I don't know ...cause he is the girl I guess! You know...someone has to be the top and someone has to be the bottom. That's probably why Steve Jobs is wearing black.

hmmm...if you say so. Still I find it hard to believe...I mean common.

Yeah I agree except that Steve Wozniak once told me that Jobs and Gates were really married but I figured it was just one of Woz's many pranks. He said Jobs had originally wanted a piece of him a long time ago and Woz was like: No Way! I don't play that!

wow! so this is really true and this video confirms it. They being married to women was all for show. Why would they want to go public now?

Maybe Steve is thinking about retiring and wants to relax and not worry about it anymore...Who knows.

You know Bill Gates always looked kinda gay to me but not Steve.

Yeah me too...I am totally not surprised he is the girl in this relation.

That explains the $150 Mil that Microsoft invested in Apple back in Aug of 1997.

Oh yeah...your right!

I doubt this will affect the future of Apple and Microsoft. Steve Ballmer calls the shots at Microsoft now and I am pretty sure it's not a Polygamous relation that includes Ballmer! LOL!!!!!!!!

Yeah! LOL Well lets go public!
Last edited:


Jan 28, 2009
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That Verizon Wireless has not only refused to ever carry the iPhone, but all of their cell sites are being retro fitted to produce a signal to block all use of iPhones within range of being able to turn on.
Further Verizon salespeople will be paid commissions to tell their customers horror stories about iPhone customers being electrocuted by headphones, and that the goo that comes out of iPhones when the screen is cracked will turn you into a flesh eating Zombie.
Steve Jobs complained to the Feds, but the President announced that "...We need to control the zombie problem, and we'll quarantine the users of the iPhone..." Dieter heard something about the Department of Homeland Security and suddenly MMS and Video wasn't such a big deal.
It was all very clear now, Bill Gates' evil plan to redistribute wealth throughout the world.
Create a product, Windows that purports to improve productivity, yet wastes more time in viruses, virus scans, "the blue screen of death" and well, porn, that the other countries of the world economies can catch up and overtake the western world.
Macs products had foiled those plans.
Sitting in his Fortress of Solitude on a throne which was made entirely out of AOL CD's (you didn't wonder what happened to those?) Bill Gates was wringing his hands and laughing with glee at the progress of his nefarious plan.
Then as suddenly as it started Dieter woke up in a cold cold sweat.
Swearing off street vendor hot dogs and fast food coffee, he went to start on his day.
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