Uh...
So, I tried out JBing one more time, just to see what was out there...
And yeah. I'm staying JB from now on
I refuse to skin too intensively, but I found a theme that doesn't change the icons, only the UI, and it's amazing:
z | u i - sometimes less is more . I never themed because I didn't want the icons changed; I want them to be consistent all of the time, as I rarely read the text but look for the icon. This theme has a gorgeous UI and is FREE. I could not pass it up.
Add in LockInfo, which I never tried before because it looked complicated, and biteSMS (same), and I don't think I can go back. I really don't have much else installed (only FakeCarrier, ByteFont, and some app that lets me place my icons wherever, i forget the name), so my phone is running as fast as it was before the JB. This time Cydia installed and overall it's been a much smoother experience.
Seriously though - the iPhone has a looong way to go before it reaches the ease and level of customization on a BlackBerry... some of this stuff is really freaking complicated