Here is what worked for me:
Both of you must have separate iCloud accounts. Go to settings>mailing, contacts, calendars. Then add account. Add your husband's or wife's account (as a secondary account) to each phone. Then on the calendar select all calendars or whatever calendars each one of you are using. Since you will not be sharing an iCloud account you each have to input events on your own personal calendar. At first you will likely have duplicate events, but delete the duplicates once and after it is all set up and you do that there will not be any more duplicates. A little bit of a pain, but it has worked for us very well. This way you will not be sharing emails, reminders, contacts, notes, etc., only calendar events. I hope this helps.