I've got to get something off my chest...
TiPb was there for me. It's always been there for me. Like the sweet dew that kisses the butterfly's wings after it's re-awakening from its cocoon, it was there when I awoke from my digital slumber. When I was without strength to continue the next day, suffering bouts of delirium, lethargy, and nihilism, TiPb picked me up out of the wreckage, like Spider-Man did the Green Goblin. When my wife left me for her charming orthodontist, Ted, who didn't even have Highlight magazine in waiting room, TiPb gave me a pint of Cherry Garcia, but told to me only eat half, because it was watching out for my colesterol as well as my emotional well-being. When I was caught in an inter-dimensional rift where I had to simultaneously battle a robot and zombie apocalypse alongside a Romulan version of Christopher Lloyd, TiPb gave me the strength no amount of lazer uzis could ever grant me. When I played Jesus at dodgeball in Heaven because he was so impressed with my job against the robots and zombies and wanted to see how well I'd hold my own in his favorite gym class extracurricular activity, TiPb was in the bleachers holding up a handmade sign that said "Go, you can do it! #1!" in alternating colors, some in eye-catching glitter. TiPb has been there cheering me on at my high points, and offering a hand at my low points, and was kinda just there chillin' during my middle points but occasionally giving me that awkward but reassuring nod of acknowledgement when we're passing each other down a really long hallway, and we're like "so, do I say 'hi' now, or do I wait until I'm a little closer? Ah, this eye contact is really unnerving me. You know what? I didn't notice him, I'm just looking at this fascinating stretch of wall. Why, hey there. Oh thank god, he gave me the nod. I too shall return this nod", and I nod back. TiPb, I love you and your wonderful, inspiring, heart-wrenching articles on all that is Apple, and I know you've already given me so much, but do you have... oh, man, this is hard to say... do you have the heart, to give your favoritest fan who is forever in debt to you, a Verizon iPhone 4?