I mean I don't even want to say an Android phone can meet everyone's needs. But for the things that do matter, I might argue that an Android phone does more than an iPhone on a pure price for feature ratio.
Fair enough, let's expound on this point. And by the way, I don't even care about 'winning' this discussion anymore, I just enjoy the discussion at the moment

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You and I actually think alike, sizing up pros and cons of a given platform and looking at the value proposition of each.
I think where you and I differ is that we place a different value on different features. There's nothing wrong with that, and fortunately we have enough different products out there to meet everyone's needs.
For a starting baseline, I'm going to assume for the moment that we're talking about an equally priced iPhone and top end Android handset, probably each $200 with a contract so price is not a differentiating factor.
Off the top of my head, and with personal experience in both camps, here's the features I think of with each camp:
Android:
- ability to add widgets to the home screen for quick looks at information
- ability to sideload apps not on the official app market
- much more customization potential
- many different configurations of phones across a spectrum of manufacturers
- access to the file system to store downloaded files
- ability to set default apps for various functions
- tight integration with Google's ecosystem of services
- there's probably some I'm forgetting at the moment, but I'm sure we've all read them on various similar threads on the interwebz
iOS:
- much more overall stable and efficient OS
- better developer support, most apps usually make their way to iOS first
- (depending on what handset you get), better quality hardware
- seamless integration with other Apple products, especially if other friends and family also have iOS devices
- better update schedule - Apple releases an update, and qualified devices get it that day. Can't get that on non-Nexus Android devices
- there's others, I've sure we've all heard them
All that being said, which set of features is more important to you? I was in the Android camp, and I to this date would love to have the ability to set Fantastical 2 as my default calendar app, and download non-picture files from email to open in another app (although this is already supported in a limited fashion).
However, that feature set from the Android set (at least for me) came with the cons of not getting updates until much later (if at all), missing out on lots of quality apps, and a generally laggier and crash prone experience on my Android phone and tablet.
If the feature set of Android is more important to you, and outweighs the cons of being in that system, then that's the OS for you. If the feature set of iOS is more important to you and outweighs the drawbacks, then iOS is for you.
I was in the Android camp for about 2 years, then slowly got more and more fed up with the lack of updates (outside of rooting and ROM'ing), an OS that got laggier over time (my ASUS tablet had this bad, I think it was the same issue that affected the original N7's), and decided to go with the more 'limited' iOS ecosystem, but gained a much better user experience, first access to new apps, and actally getting updates.
For me, the Apple products gave me a better price feature ratio, as its features were more beneficial to me despite its drawbacks. Obviously, you place Android's features as having higher importance (despite its drawbacks), and that's fine with me.
It all comes down to what features you place more importance on.
----By the way, I'm travelling over the next couple days and might not be available to respond for a while.