UPDATE: So I drove to the Apple store and bought a 32GB and examined it in the store and its fine. Absolutely none of the OCD annoyances that have plagued every other iPhone 5. I am really glad I didn't give up because now I can finally start to enjoy my iPhone 5 instead of fuss over problems.
It only took 3 phones to get it right.
It only took 3 phones to get it right.