Help with Short Film Idea

[aidenh]

So I know this is random, but I'm posting here because the I know iMore Community is awesome.

Anyways,
We're making a short film at school, and our group came up with the idea below. What I'm looking for is any ideas and suggestions regarding our idea, to help smooth out the story line. The main thing I don't like about the story is "Why is the boy after the new girl?" I would love to hear your ideas. A title for the film would be good to, and names for the characters.
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Short Film Idea
Intro ? Present
New girl comes to school, has a ?buddy? to help her out and settles in good.
After she settles in, she gets told a story of something terrible that happen a few years ago?

Flashback - Past
Boy was going home from school, but being chased/teased by group of bullies. One push the boy over the boy (accidental), but he trips and falls, head lands on a rock [or similar]. Bullies look scared; don?t know if boy is dead, so they run away. Boy mouths ?help?. (Boy never seen again, no one knows if dead or vanished)
[Then in the shadows, shows someone else turning and running away: (shot of feet only) ? actually new girl]

Cut Back to School - Present
After she hears the story, new girl realises something wrong, starts becoming paranoid, guilty (possibly for not helping, but running away). Starts seeing ?blood prints? in places. [Blood prints could spell out words, ?WHY,? ?HELP?](i.e. in her locker, test paper, toilet door.) Gets more agitated. Finally she breaks, and tries to run out of school. Runs though back of school, trying to get out. Turns the corner and her name is spelt out in blood on the wall in front of her. Hears two steps. Turns around. Boy is there. Girl screams. Cut to black. End film.
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Thanks for your help,
Aiden

 

[anon(4698833)]

Well...a couple of things...

- The story has been done many times in the past...most recently a similar premise presents itself in a movie called The Awakening (i don't think it's been released yet to theaters). So just wanted to make sure you knew that this story has been done in some variant before...so you shouldn't have a hard time finding some source material to help you develop your own story into something unique to your project.

- Titles are exponentially personal to your project, and would be more beneficial to you to draw your title out of some further developed details that make your story more unique, right now, as you explained it, the title for your film project could literally be "Another School House Ghost Story".

- Watch some foreign films, especially from the asian market...they've kind of perfected the "ghost story" movie making process (as can be seen from all the American market remakes we see year in and year out). They tend to be a little less "filtered" and more raw, which lends itself to better story telling.

...my wife is a screenwriter and producer here in Atlanta, and many times i get read through scripts she gets (just for fun) and it's amazing to me that people submit near carbon copies of other people's work. Make your story unique!