There's one way that is more in the experimental phase, but you can try it (at your own risk mind you).
You'll need 16 slices of american cheese, 4 wedges of watermelon, 2 boxes (15 count) of gold colored sparkler fireworks, an assortment of fishing line (nylon works best) and 30 helium filled balloons.
- Take your cheese and run the fishing line through the middle of each slice...separating the cheese slices by about 2" per slice. You'll want to run about 10 lines through the slices (the length of which should range from 32" up to 64.37").
- After you have this "cheese kite" (as we call it in the industry), you'll want to place a wedge of watermelon on the ends as a sort of weight ballast. The other two wedges are to be consumed (consider it a treat for a job well done!)
- In each wedge of watermelon, place 10 sparklers...the other 10 sparklers should be strategically placed within the cheese kite. Make sure to spread them out...we don't want any hot spots for sparklage(sp?).
- Connect 15 balloons on each end of this contraption, and light the sparklers.
...release the cheese kite sparkling melon blimp into the air and allow it to float away.
After this is done, you won't have your text messages, but you'll have been the only human being in the world to put into flight a cheese kite sparkling melon blimp. Congratulations fellow human! YOU DID IT!