I just figured out this problem. I use gmail as my main email. I found out if you configure gmail in a IMAP fashion(Google it), you get the ability I think your looking for. My laptop, iPhone and gmail server are constantly syncing. When I delete an email from my gmail inbox it goes to the All Mail box. It is removed from my iPhone and laptop inbox's but still on the gmail server. This all happens real time. If I delete on my laptop first, it is automatically moved on my iPhone. I hope this helps a little. I am no pro at all, just stuff I recently learned.