TiPb Give-Away: Tiger Woods PGA TOUR for iPhone and Xbox 360!
Tiger Woods PGA Tour for iPhone is currently 30% off for a limited time [$6.99 - iTunes Link]. To celebrate, they're giving a lucky TiPb reader a free copy for the iPhone (technically a gift certificate) and for the Xbox 360!
Hoping to score a give-away hole-in-one? Reply to this post and tell us your favorite funny golf moment or joke. (And no, you can't just link to Robin Williams videos, okay?)
- 06-25-2009, 11:09 AM #2
Wife says she's leaving me if I don't give up golf." "What are you going to do?" "I’ll miss her."
- 06-25-2009, 11:11 AM #3
I got to mention it, Happy Gilmore "The Price is WRONG *****!"
Seriously though, last summer my wife and I were driving our cart to the next hole and a golf ball came flying at our cart and smacked right into the plexiglass window. I screamed like a little school girl!
My wife still trys to copy my scream whenever we go golfing.
Last edited by XM_JDM; 06-25-2009 at 11:14 AM.
- 06-25-2009, 11:19 AM #4iPhone Nanite
- 5 Posts
- iOS Version
- iOS 6
Last summer me and some buddies were golfing when a storm came in. One of the guys wanted to get out of there so fast he gunned the gas with me on it and flipped the thing, clubs all over! At least my iPhone was in my pocket lol.
- 06-25-2009, 11:22 AM #5iPhone Newbie
- 31 Posts
last year me and some friends went golfing, my friends dad went into the woods to relieve himself and my friend dino sliced a ball hitting a tree next to our peeing papa, who then peed all over the front of his pants. god times
- 06-25-2009, 11:23 AM #6iPhone Nanite
- 1 Posts
Funny only because we didnt die!
I was out with two of my friends playing a fun round of 18. One of my friends and I hit our shots and went off on the golf cart while the latter still had to take his shot. The cart path ran adjacent to the fairway and then through an area filled with trees. As my friend was preparing to take his shot, I stood on the edge of the cart, while it was moving to taunt my other friend. We then disappeared into the area filled with trees and just as my friend was in his backswing, he heard me scream and also heard a thunderous crash. He ran to where we were, saw the cart tumbled over and both of us were completely wet. Turns out, my friend decided to get reckless, as we entered the area with trees and hit a boulder...the cart immediately toppled over and an entire container filled with golf club cleaner (water) fell over us. Everyone was fine and my friend, who took the shot, couldnt stop laughing.
- 06-25-2009, 11:24 AM #7iPhone Newbie
- 15 Posts
When I was 8, we were at Frier Park golf course in Troy, NY. Of Course, me and my brothers were football and baseball maniacs, barely knowing what golf was. This guy Tee'd off, my brother Matt ran after his ball, picked it up, and threw it back to him. (he was genually trying to return his ball, haha)
Neeldess to saw, this 50 something year old man, found his 2nd wind and chased us all away from the Course.
- 06-25-2009, 11:40 AM #8
- 06-25-2009, 11:40 AM #9iPhone Newbie
- 44 Posts
Was out with some friends at the winthrop university golf course, hit a nice shot watched the ball roll onto the green.. then a big black squirrel ran onto the green and tried to take my ball, it couldn't fit the ball in its mouth and pushed it into the hole...
- 06-25-2009, 11:44 AM #10iPhone Nanite
- 2 Posts
A drive, chip and put to start a pro-am with a birdie. The drive was dead center and even with the (nationwide) pro. My chip was closer by about 10 feet and he two putted (almost lipped out for a 3 putt). My birdie helped us start right.
When I holed out from the sandtrap the next hole, that eagle helped us even better. Unfortunately my game reverted to normal and I finished the rest of the round with mostly all bogies.
- 06-25-2009, 11:50 AM #11iPhone Intermediate
- 134 Posts
- iOS Version
I've been playing golf for almost tens years now and you want to know my funniest golf moment or joke?
Apparently you haven't seen me play!"I'd give it all up, for just a little bit more"
- 06-25-2009, 11:56 AM #12
If you're worried about your next shot reaching the green while the group ahead
of you is still putting out, you have two options: immediately shank
a lay-up, or wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
- 06-25-2009, 12:04 PM #13
Haven't golfed since college/high school...so I will grace you with a couple of jokes instead of stories.
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll open my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
2) And one that is "on par" with this contest
What do you call 123 white guys chasing 1 black guy?
The PGA Tour.
- 06-25-2009, 12:20 PM #14iPhone Newbie
- 28 Posts
One of my friends scored a double bogey on a hole and was really mad, so when he stepped up to the next tee, he had this look on his face like he just wanted to kill the ball to get out all of his frustration. He took a huge swing and completely shanked the ball off to the right. Unfortunately for him, the ball hit a fence post, bounced back right into his gut, and dropped him straight to the ground. Of course, we all started rolling on the ground too…from laughter.
- 06-25-2009, 12:20 PM #15
Once had a ball ricochet off of 4 different trees that were aligned on either side of the tee about 10 feet in front of the box, needless to say I didn't thread the gap, and the ball bounced around in the group and came right back at us. I had to be in a Tom & Jerry cartoon.
- 06-25-2009, 12:21 PM #16iPhone Newbie
- 12 Posts
- iOS Version
- 6.0 beta
I know it's not original, but it worked and was really funny. I bought one of those exploding golf balls and was successful in swapping it for a real ball on the tee box while a friend distracted our other friend who was about to tee off. He swung, it exploded, he about peed his pants from being scared, and the rest of us about peed our pants from laughing so hard.
Pick me. I'd love to have Tiger on my iPhone. Thanks!
- 06-25-2009, 12:27 PM #17
Got my first set of clubs for my 5th birthday. Custom cut for my height. I regularly hit practice balls in the field across the cul-de-sac from my childhood home.
Around 9 years old, my buddy came with me. We had been playing for a while when I decided to switch to my driver. He had just taken a few swings and stepped back for me. Well, he didn't stay back. Somehow I managed to catch his forehead on my back swing. Busted his head open...his sister claims she could see the nerves.
Just found him on Facebook about 6 months ago...apparently he has a *****in scar on his forehead now.
- 06-25-2009, 12:40 PM #18
Last summer my buddies and I were golfing at a course in Oregon. We were playing a par 5 and one of my friends hit a nice long drive, left-center on the fairway. His second shot was probably around 180 yards. He took his 4-iron (yes, 4-iron, we're not pros here!), and must of hit it fat or something - either way, the head of the club broke completely off and went about 3/4 the way to the hole before getting lost in some tall grass! The ball only limped forward a few yards. So almost like Happy Gilmore - "the club went further than the ball!", except, only part of the club ;-)
Anyways, we never did find the head of the club - and to this day my buddy still has the shaft of the 4-iron in his bag.
- 06-25-2009, 12:42 PM #19iPhone Intermediate
- 117 Posts
golfing with the dad
went golfing with my dad for the first time, my dad took some swings and the ball went behind him instead of in front hitting the green plastic guard making a loud sound and then seeing all the regulars staring at us ... YIKES
- 06-25-2009, 12:42 PM #20
Steve Wonder and Tiger Woods cross paths at a popular meeting place. Woods turns to Wonder and asks, "How's the singing career going?" Steve Wonder replies, "Not too bad! How's the golf?" Tiger Woods replies, "Not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now."
Steve Wonder says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Tiger Woods says, "You play golf?"
Steve Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
And Tiger Woods asks, "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind?"
Steve Wonder replies, "I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But, how do you putt" asks Tiger Woods.
"Well," replies Steve Wonder, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hold and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Tiger Woods then asks, "What's your handicap?"
Steve Wonder says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Tiger Woods, incredulous, says to Steve Wonder, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Steve Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less then $10,000 a hold."
Tiger Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that. When would you like to play?"
Steve Wonder says, "Pick a night!"
- 06-25-2009, 12:49 PM #21iPhone Nanite
- 2 Posts
At the 1998 Player's Championship at Sawgrass on the 17th hole. Brad Fabel hit his tee shot onto the Par 3 island green. Then out of of nowhere a seagull scoops his ball up and drops it into the water. Funniest thing I've ever seen.
- 06-25-2009, 01:01 PM #22iPhone Newbie
- 19 Posts
Why I only play Miniature Golf and Golden Tee
In High School I was in the lounge, screwing around with a field hockey stick laying around. I'm lining up my fantastic putt with Bill Murray's Caddyshack voice in my head.
Suddenly, my friend Zach bounds into the lounge and say, "Robbie, you have the absolute worst body every for golf!"
So I retired from playing real goft before I ever touching a driver and concentrated on Wind Mills and golden tee trackballs.
- 06-25-2009, 01:01 PM #23iPhone Nanite
- 4 Posts
Here's a good joke for everyone!
Joe was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later, Joe got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Joe, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Joe: "Yes, sir, that's correct."
Coroner: "But Joe, I also found a golf ball wedged in her ****."
Joe: "Was it a Titleist 3 ?"
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Joe: "That was my mulligan."
Thanks Tipb for a chance to win this great game!!!
- 06-25-2009, 01:06 PM #24
- 06-25-2009, 01:27 PM #25
A schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."