Matt wasn't able to post this, but it's awesome that he went to all the trouble of drafting it, so I'm posting on his behalf.
Thanks so much, Matt! Take it away!
"Just the scoop of the century." A smile raced up Dieter's face. "Secret source. Top secret. Roof of the world secret. Would you believe that tomorrow, during the WWDC, Apple is going to..."
Dieter paused for dramatic effect.
"Going to what?" Rene asked.
".... introduce....." Dieter said, savoring the moments leading up to the big reveal.
"Introduce WHAT???" Rene screamed, quickly growing impatient with Dieter's theatrics.
"..... the Macbook Wheel." Dieter said slowly and carefully, articulating every syllable as a dreamy smile crossed his Palm-stained face.
"The Macbook *what*?" Rene asked incredulously, thinking he must have misheard his boss.
"The Macbook Wheel, you dumb Canadian. It's a laptop with an iPod-like click wheel and no keyboard. It's Apple's biggest new interface yet. Everything- absolutely everything- is controlled by moving your finger around the wheel."
Rene chuckled, then began to laugh loudly and uncontrollably. He couldn't help it- he'd never heard such a stupid rumor in all his (year) working for TiPB.
Dieter frowned at Rene, but waited until he stopped laughing to continue.
"What? What's so funny, Rene?" Dieter asked through gritted teeth.
Rene leaned back in his chair and looked at Dieter skeptically. "Seriously, dude. Think about it. That makes no sense. You *really* believe that's going to happen?"
"Yes, Rene! My source is an extremely reliable one. What, you don't believe me???" Dieter seethed.
"Calm down, Dieter. It's just a really... strange product idea for Apple, that's all. Who's your source?"
"The Onion News Network." Dieter said, without a hint of sarcasm.
Rene's jaw dropped, then coiled into a twisted smile as he smirked at Dieter. "The Onion? Dieter, that's a comedy website!!! None of its stories are true! Are you serious right now, or am I on America's Stupidest Home Videos?"
Dieter looked at Rene thoughtfully, then replied, "A Canadian would certainly think so, I suppose. You see, 'The Onion', you stupid Rene, is 'America's Finest News Source'. It says so right on its homepage."
Rene gawked at Dieter, then weighed his options. He could continue to work for this obvious nitwit, or he could move on to bigger and better things.
STAY TUNED FOR THE SUSPENSEFUL CONCLUSION. WILL RENE QUIT AND MOVE ON? WILL DIETER "GROW A BRAIN"? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? WHY AM I ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS?
"The Adventures of the Smartphone Experts" coming soon to a bookstore near you.
The End..... for now.......